As mentioned in my last post, I will be sharing my thoughts and feelings on returning to work after experiencing a miscarriage.
Thursday 8th December
I’m on my way to work now, trains have been horrible this morning. I’m already dreading the ‘how are you?’ question and I can already predict an emotional meltdown. I feel like someone offering to make me a cup of tea is going to set off the waterworks. I would say I spent about an hour to an hour and a half crying in the loos. But after a heart to heart at lunchtime with one of my girls, all was right with the world.
I didn’t feel like I was ready to go back, but here I am on the train doing my daily commute. It’s not easy, but I believe today was the first and worst hurdle. It is not easy when you know pregnancies and new arrivals have been announced by fellow colleagues. On my way into I found myself noticing more ‘baby on board’ badges than ever! It was kind of painful but as I was on my way home, I found it got a bit better.
How am I feeling?
Well as I said to someone, I’m on the mend physically, but emotionally, I still have a little while to go. I’m still grieving I guess. Everyone takes different amounts of time to recover, and everyone deals with grief in different ways. I must say the information on the Miscarriage Association website was so insightful, and the information was clear and easy to understand. The testimonials featured on the site were particularly useful, as some of the accounts shared, let me know that it wasn’t unusual to feel the way I was feeling.
My faith has been an integral part of the healing process. I found a bible study plan on the bible app and it’s been great for me. It gave me strength and comfort, but most of all, it gave me hope. I refer to the bible as my manual for life. This is something that worked well for me because my faith is very much part of my lifestyle. The prayers from family and friends really brought us strength as well. Others may find that they draw comfort and strength from friends and family. In my opinion, this is the best time to draw strength and comfort from what you need to.
Tuesday 13th December
I had my follow up appointment at the hospital, to make sure any remnants of the miscarriage had passed through my system. I know our pregnancy came to and end, but the negative pregnancy test made everything so final. My scan was clear and everything is returning to normal. I had a cry on my walk into the office and cleared my system.
It’s been a difficult journey, and I can’t say it has ended. Thoughts of what could have been still plague my thoughts. This will be a memory that stays with me forever.
Final note from me, everyone’s journey is different so there are no definite timescales for how long things will take to return to normal, both physically and emotionally. As we prepare to enter 2017, I look forward to new things,new experiences and whatever the future holds. It’s hard to move on as its hard to forget, but if I stay stuck in the past, I will not be able to embrace the future.
You can find the first part of this post here
Here are some useful links:
Talking about miscarriage– Miscarriage Association UK
Men and Miscarriage– Miscarriage Association UK