My Support System & The Journey Ahead

This is a bit premature for me to be honest. But I’m starting my goals and dreams list for 2019. I don’t really want to call them resolutions as I start off well but lose momentum way too soon. I have a different feeling about next year. I have faith it’s going to be amazing, however I know it’s going to be a journey. That is why a support system is so important.

When you are going on a trip of any kind, you have to decide what you are taking with you and what you are leaving behind. I am applying this same principal to my list for 2019. I’m in my late 30s now and the learning doesn’t stop. Being on maternity leave has really given me time to think and evaluate where I am and where I would like to be. This post is going to be a little different to my summer post about goals. I guess this will be more about a change in my mindset.

Growing through it

Part of getting older is growing through stuff. What do I mean? Different situations and scenarios can cause you difficulty and can even cause you pain. How you come through it and deal with it can make or break you. Irrespective of the circumstances, you find the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. Your character is built up even more!

I’ve encountered a a fair few things this year. One of the big questions I’ve had to ask myself is, who makes up my support system and what does that mean? I was sent a YouTube link that led me to a video where Holly Furtick, was speaking about support systems. I had already been giving this some thought, and the message really resonated with me. I started to think about those who I consider to be part of my support system. On the flipside, I took an honest look at myself. Why? Because I am also part of somebody else’s support system. Am I doing my job? I can’t point fingers, I have to look at myself as well!

Being mum to an almost 1 year old really does take a lot of my time. It is especially difficult when you have do I have a family to look after and although my eldest is 18, she still needs me. Outside of my family, I have church and other commitments. You are probably like, where is she going with this? She sounds like she is on one lol! I guess this is my blog post equivalent of a Ted Talk lol!

My true support system understand that although I have family commitments, I can and will give you time if you need me. If it means meeting you after I put the baby to bed, so be it. If I don’t know that need, how can it be met? Those in your support system share how they feel. We cry together, we celebrate together, we laugh together. It’s more than just social gatherings, it’s building authentic relationships. It’s talking, but actual conversation. It’s listening to the good and the bad. It’s helping each person in the system to grow.

I just called to say…hello

This year, I’ve had to make adjustments to life and there have been sacrifices. I took the year off and it has impacted me financially. I love socialising but I’ve had to get creative the way I spend my time, so I’m not spending as much. I stay home, watch movies, and make fake aways lol. My hubby has been picking up so much while I’ve been on zero pay! Catching up with mates is more likely to be a phone call.

My mum and I were talking the other day about the friends we don’t see for ages. I have friends that I haven’t seen this year because adulting is like that! Relationships, children and demanding jobs. The funny thing is though, when we talk, its like I saw them last week! Do you know what I mean? So friends don’t always have to be physically present. We find ways to adapt like we do with the other areas in our lives. Friends however, should be available. All the time? Most certainly not, it’s not realistic! I will say that 5 minutes is better than no time at all!

The meat to the potatoes…

These decisions haven’t been easy to make, but they are necessary. After much prayer and deliberation, I’m getting rid of dead weight. Girl!! Dead weight? You are being harsh? I’m seeing a great journey ahead of me, but unfortunately, not everyone can come along for the ride.

I don’t like drama and I don’t like negativity. Situations keeping me down instead of uplifting me. In a word, it’s toxic. I’ve done the evaluation and I’m letting go of certain relationships. Were they good in the past? Yes they were! However, I’m in the business of reality and realistic exepctations. I’m a bigger fan of expectaions I know about. My worst nightmare would be finding out I’ve unknowingly disappointed friends because I didn’t do something that was expected. Some may use the common sense argument but it’s not always common.

I can’t expect to know what you want or need if it is not communicated. What am I saying here? There are basic principals for relationships of all sorts.

Here are some of what I believe are the key ingredients for an amazing support system

I dont like criticism, just being real, but its an integral part of growth and being better. Authentic relationships adapt to accommodate changing needs. I’m not the same person I was when I was 17. In between then and now, there have been some considerable life changes that have taken place . The case is not dissimilar in my friendship groups. I’m not saying the world should revolve around my life, but all relationships are a 2 way street.

In 2019, I believe the process of ‘weeding out’, will happen organically. I have to save and protect my energy for those who truly understand what support really is. I believe every friendship I have ever had has been for a reason or a season. Sometimes those seasons end sooner than others. I say that with zero malice. Good things come to an end sometimes but if something is truly meant for you, it will always find its way back. It’s important you find a support system that works for all participants and not just a few.

2 multiplied by 10 plus one, Trousseau done! Are you making any major changes in 2019?

Until next time,

Xx

Comments

  1. December 8, 2018 / 12:45 am

    This post is so important, as too many of us hold on to dead weight for years on end. Knowing that it’s ok to let go and focus on oneself and the true support system around us is everything. Sometimes we think nobody else has these thoughts, so it’s great you have addressed this topic. Luckily for you…we are family, and I ain’t going anywhere lol.

    • December 8, 2018 / 12:48 am

      Lol you are stuck with me by force love! This is the part of growing up that can be a bit icky. You know me, I don’t do grudges or negativity. I’m very forgiving, but I’m not a doormat. Thank you so much for your supportive comment. Xx

  2. December 8, 2018 / 1:25 pm

    Hi, I happened to see this in my Twitter timeline and I’m so glad I read it. It’s all so relatable and encouraging, so thank you 🙂

    • December 8, 2018 / 2:48 pm

      Thank you for for taking the time to read the post. So glad you were encouraged. It’s a bit of a tough one to talk about, but some decisions are necessary for growth. Have a fabulous weekend 🤗

  3. Cleo
    December 9, 2018 / 6:43 pm

    This blog has literally come about at the right time. I’m also in my late thirties and have been out of the country for the last four months, which gave me a most welcomed time out. But also time to reflect. Out of sight out of mind really paid a part here and the “support system” that I thought was there ceased to exsist. (Not everyone, some friends have been amazing and the friendship is now stronger) So on my return with a new outlook on how I act as someone who offers support, and what I expect back there are definitely changes a foot.

    • December 9, 2018 / 10:26 pm

      It’s so sad when you feel like part of your support system doesn’t exist anymore. It sounds corny, but we have to sometimes weed out some relationships so we can become the people we are to become, number one. Number 2 we can invest more in those who are willing to invest in us in the same way. Thank you so much for reading. I have many changes to make but I’m optimistic it will all work out for the best. Have a lovely week xx

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